Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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