for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
