If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
