Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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