I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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