It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
