Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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