Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
