There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
