just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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