you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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