Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
