when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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