mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
