Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
