Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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