Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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