So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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