I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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