hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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