Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
