he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
