Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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