Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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