Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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