What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
