I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it's great music for shaving your balls
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
