i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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