well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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