I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just found puke in my bra..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
