Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
