a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
