thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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