I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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