We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
