I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
