You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
