It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
