Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
