I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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