i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
