o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
