So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
