I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
