I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
