I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
