Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I got inside last night via doggy door
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
