the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
As shirtless as possible
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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