Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
