I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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