Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
