Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
