I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
