1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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