You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
